9:20 pm: I pick up Matt Davis and we cruise downtown for the second half of the evening. The one where I have ZERO friends lined up. Which means we have a little over 2 hours to get 15 girls to let me kiss them.
Matt is laid-back, super nice but also a lot smarter than he sometimes lets on. And not just book smart. Matt is crazy people-smart. He just has this God-given ability to connect with people and put them at ease regardless of the circumstance. And not only that, but he and his cousin (shout out to Chase) were kings of Bricktown back in the day, so his knowledge will prove invaluable. And to top it off, even though he barely acknowledges it, I find out he’s had two fillings put in today and is actually in a lot of pain. He fought through it for me, though. Friends like these are worth their weight in gold platinum unobtanium.
Kisses 16 and 17 – Brooke and Unnamed Friend. 9:56 pm, street outside City Walk. Matt advises me that City Walk doesn’t get going until about 11, so we stroll along the street outside to see what we can see. Matt has worked out a “sales pitch” with me – he will present the challenge to girls walking by (must be groups of at least two, no guys walking with). I am to stand there looking shy and cute. (I know I succeeded on one of those.) And we test it out. It works like gangbusters. Of all the girls we work up the nerve to talk to, we never walk away with a flat denial. In larger groups, not everyone would do it, but at least one would. These first two girls were sweet and bubbly, though the camera only worked on the second photo (of Brooke). This was the first of several meltdowns by the camera at crucial moments.
Kiss 18 – Hooters Waitress. 10:08 pm, OUTSIDE Hooters (we didn’t go in! They came out!) We thought we hit the jackpot here, there were two girls standing outside, so Matt presented the scenario and I got the first kiss. The second girl (in full Hooters attire) says she’ll do it, then adds, “But you should know I’m 17.” I think I took a step back and must have looked horrified, because Matt rushed in and said, “Ah, well, you’re not quite old enough.” I had two thoughts – “I almost kissed a minor!” and “What parent in their right mind lets their 17-year-old work at Hooters, in the teeny shorts and the tight top?” She had this beauty-queen sash on, with money pinned to it (from hostessing???) and volunteered to get some of the other waitresses to come out for a picture. Which was nice of her. But she came back and said they are all busy, so we move on.
Kiss 19 – Miranda. 10:14 pm, walkway by the Canal. Miranda and two gal pals walk by. Matt has figured out if we casually talk to folks walking past, they are more up for it because, unlike in a restaurant, they probably won’t see you again. These girls prove him right, although only Miranda is brave enough to let me peck her on the cheek.
Kisses 20 and 21 – Suspicious Girl and Amiable Friend. 10:22 pm, outside American Pub (or Bar, I forget). Easily the worst kiss of the night. Matt’s charm sort of bounced off the Teflon armor of Suspicious girl (in the polka dots). Her friend was all smiles but she makes clear with body language and interrupting Matt’s “pitch” that she isn’t sure of us. Matt tells her I need 15 more kisses before midnight, and then a minute later she asks me how many more kisses I need. I figure in my head quickly (and poorly) and say, “11.” She gives both of us the laser eye. “But you just said you need 15 more.” Matt and I share a sheepish look because we realize it looks like we are trying to lie to her, and we aren’t. We just don’t do math well. WE AREN’T MATHMATICIANS, SUSPICIOUS GIRL! She grills us some more about how many, exactly, kisses I need, and Matt and I both produce different numbers, and feel more embarrassed. But then her friend rumbles and she agrees to kiss me. Which isn’t the challenge, so I kiss her friend, and she kisses me, but the camera isn’t working, which adds to the awkwardness. She still lets me kiss her though, probably because even when they are pissed, Oklahomans just can’t be mean. They can make faces though.
Kisses 22 and 23 – Melanie and Lauren. 10:27 pm, parking meter across the street from City Walk. These two girls are standing by a parking meter, we assume holding the space for a friend. Matt ambles up and says, “Excuse me ladies?” “What!” Melanie fires back, with attitude. Matt and I exchange a worried look, and Matt backs up with his hands raised, “Whoa, look out now!” His small joke cracks the tension, and we soon are chatting with the girls. Melanie is a nurse at Children’s Hospital (but doesn’t know Briann). Lauren tells us her job but I have forgotten it. They are part of a bachelorette party. In fact, if we will wait about 5 minutes, the rest of the girls will arrive. And they’d love to help me out! Two kisses here, with more to come. Jackpot!
Kisses 24-27 – Bride-to-Be, Audra, Courtney, Shy Blonde Girl. 10:30-10:32, outside City Walk. The bachelorette party arrives with tons of girls. Tons! Melanie and Lauren do the introductions, and the Bride-to-be leans over for her kiss. I sort of thought she’d be exempt, because, you know, she’s getting married in two days, but hey, who am I to pass up a kiss? Matt gets three others to participate, though the rest of the group is too shy.
Matt and I are only 3 away from the goal, and we could probably continue our strategy of wandering the streets outside City Walk without having to go inside. We still have over an hour. But part of the challenge, to me, was facing my fear of clubs (they are scary places, OK). And Matt wanted to beat the CW too. So we went inside.
IT WAS VERY LOUD AND VERY DARK. Didn’t count on these two obstacles. The camera was basically worthless inside, it couldn’t get enough light to focus and thus wouldn’t take pictures. It was like the hospital waiting area all over again, I would kiss these girls for like 3 seconds (which is a long time when you are kissing) and the camera just wouldn’t snap a photo.
Kiss 28 – Girl Forced to Smooch by Friends. 10:45, balcony bar. Despite the pounding din, Matt talked to a group of three sitting at the bar. One of them shoved her friend towards me. “She’ll do it.” So I kiss her a couple times, but no photo.
Matt and I go sit at an enclave and try to figure the camera out. We take a picture. Which shows, by the way, that City Walk is about more than booze and random hook-ups. As you can see, they took the time to stock their library-esque shelf with several Reader’s Digest Condensed Books and tasteful wicker knickknacks.
We leave and run into Brooke and Unnamed Friend. I wave at them, and they stare back at me confused until I see this look hit their faces. “Ohmygaw-thatistheguywhojustkissedmeanhourago!” It’s quite a look.
Kisses 29 and 30 – Jordan and Good Hair Friend. 10:58 pm, walkway outside cutely-named dance room. Jordan is super nice and also super not bothered by getting close to strangers, so she lets me kiss her a number of times while Matt fights with the camera. Her cheek was another very, very smooth one. I kiss her friend too, but no pic. Matt and I high-five reaching the goal, but decide to go above and beyond.
Kisses 31 – 33 – NOTMiranda, Curly Blonde, Awkward Brunette. 11:01 pm, another bar (City Walk has one every five feet). Matt soldiers on, sharing the sales pitch with three friends sitting together. I look at one and excitedly wave, thinking it is Miranda from earlier. Matt asks if she is Miranda. She shakes her head. She is NOTMiranda. If you look at her picture, and compare it with the picture of Miranda, perhaps you can understand why I confused them. They both have dark hair, one-sleeve shirts and similar face structure. Maybe it was Miranda, just minus the necklace? Anyway, they all take pictures with me but only NOTMiranda’s turns out.
Kiss 34 – Snaggletooth. 11:05 pm, another bar. Yes, that name is really awful and mean, but it’s 3:00 am and I’m still typing this recap and she had pretty jacked up teeth. So I’m calling her what I want to. The Bachelorette party found us and asked for a return favor – we had to buy a dirty martini for the bride-to-be. Only the bar in that particular dance area doesn’t serve dirty martini’s, so we have to walk across CW to a different bar, which is where we found Snaggletooth. Matt talked to her while I got the drink, and she was shy but giggly, so I kissed her, but the camera went off a little too late on this one.
OK. After 34 gals, Matt and I called it a night and left, as victorious Kisser and Wingman. And I’m calling it a night and going to bed. Thanks for reading my very long recap.
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