Day 14 - DAD and Recap

Day 14 – Dad

Bio: I could write pages about my Dad, because he’s great and I love having him for a Dad. But I can sum it up with this: He is more dependable than steel, he is both kind and strong, he eats oatmeal every day for breakfast, he never opens a gift early, he listens better than anyone on earth, and I have never had cause for a moment to doubt his love for me or my family.

Challenge: “Yo, Mate. We know you have a hankering for the Outback, so we would like to help you experience it. Your challenge is to ask out a girl of your choosing, which hopefully you truly like, for a date. The event does not have to be July 14 but you have to try and ask her on or before that date for a dinner at Outback Steakhouse. You will be accompanied by your wonderful parents who will pay for it and will be entertaining company. Love, Dad (with helpful input from Mom.)

Reaction: Depending on your age, dear reader, you will probably think one of two things. If you are my parents’ age, I imagine you will think, “Ah, what a fun idea.” If you are my age, perhaps you will think, as I did, “Holy Awkward Date, What on earth are they thinking?!”

This challenge is at once both sweet and horrifying. It is sweet because, of COURSE my parents would be entertaining company, and it is touching that they want to give me a great dinner for a date. It is horrifying, because how intense is dinner with the parents to the girl involved? VERY. Meeting the parents is something that weekends are devoted to, elaborate schemes are made up for, comedic movies are made about. Not something for a casual dinner out.

A few minutes out from reading this, other questions sprung off from the initial ones. “So, do they think I don’t date enough? Is this a message from my parents that they think I am so bad at dating that I need their intervention? And who could I possibly invite to this who would not be freaked out?” I sorted through my options.

I could ask a former girlfriend who is back in town for the summer. Of course, she’s been dating someone else for a year now, so that would be…. Awkward. I could ask two girls I’ve gone on a couple dates with over the last six months but am not currently pursuing. “Hey, Girl Z, I haven’t been on a date with you for a couple months, but how about dinner with me? AND my genetic forebearers!” Awkward. Or I could ask some girl I have never been on a date with, ever, to dinner with my parents. AWKWARD.

I briefly considered signing up for an online dating service like e-harmony, setting up a date for that night, and just shock this random girl by walking in with my folks. While that sounds funny in my head, I don’t think it would be very funny to her. So that was out too.

I know I set up these challenges to be pretty much anything, but I felt that since it involved someone else, a girl whose feelings ought to be a concern, I just couldn’t do it, not with my current dating situation. So I went to the folks and presented my case.

“My first date with your father, we went to dinner with his parents,” my Mom said, instantly underscoring that my Dad won her through true love and not romantic prowess. “Really?” I asked, feeling my argument slipping away. “How was that?”

“He got sick and laid his head on the table and I talked to Grandma,” she said. My Dad is no Don Juan, folks. “And that’s the sort of evening you are envisioning for me?” I asked plaintively. “Look, if it was just me involved doing something crazy, that’s fine. But I’d have to drag someone else into this. I just think a dinner with the parents is a serious thing you do once the relationship is established, not at the very outset.”

Both parents gave me disappointed eyes, but agreed to alter their challenge.

NEW challenge: Come up with 14 qualities you are looking for in a wife. Tell parents at dinner at Outback steakhouse.

Reaction 2: Much better. And yet, why the emphasis on wife/marriage/dating? My parents are really stuck on that topic.

Recap: I had a nice dinner with my parents (who are wholly decent people for letting me change the challenge and still taking me to Outback.) Without further ado, here are my 14 wife characteristics. (And yes, Jerrod, I totally stole one from your list. But you don’t have a copyright on Proverbs 31!)

Spiritual Seven

1.    I want my wife to be deeply rooted in Christ, someone with a mature faith who gives wise counsel. (Jeremiah 17:5-9, ⁵ This is what the Lord says: “Cursed are those who put their trust in mere humans, who rely on human strength and turn their hearts away from the Lord. ⁶ They are like stunted shrubs in the desert, with no hope for the future. They will live in the barren wilderness, in an uninhabited salty land. ⁷ “But blessed are those who trust in the Lord and have made the Lord their hope and confidence. ⁸ They are like trees planted along a riverbank, with roots that reach deep into the water. Such trees are not bothered by the heat or worried by long months of drought. Their leaves stay green, and they never stop producing fruit.)

2.    To love the church. (Hebrews 10:24-25, ²⁴ Let us think of ways to motivate one another to acts of love and good works. ²⁵ And let us not neglect our meeting together, as some people do, but encourage one another, especially now that the day of his return is drawing near.)

3.    To love the lost. (I Thessalonians 2:8, ⁸ We loved you so much that we shared with you not only God’s Good News but our own lives, too.)

4.    I hope my wife’s identity as a child of Christ is tested and true, that she knows God’s promises for her. (Hebrews 10:23,  ²³ Let us hold tightly without wavering to the hope we affirm, for God can be trusted to keep his promise. I Thessalonians 5:5,  ⁵ For you are all children of the light and of the day; we don’t belong to darkness and night. Romans 8:15,  ¹⁵ So you have not received a spirit that makes you fearful slaves. Instead, you received God’s Spirit when he adopted you as his own children. Now we call him, “Abba, Father.” )

5.    Be an encourager. (Proverbs 31:25-26, ²⁵ She is clothed with strength and dignity, and she laughs without fear of the future. ²⁶ When she speaks, her words are wise, and she gives instructions with kindness.)

6.    Embrace sacrifice. (Philippians 3:17, ⁷ I once thought these things were valuable, but now I consider them worthless because of what Christ has done. ⁸ Yes, everything else is worthless when compared with the infinite value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have discarded everything else, counting it all as garbage, so that I could gain Christ ⁹ and become one with him.)

7.    Be loyal to friends and family, but to understand the need for our family to have good boundaries too. (Proverbs 17:17, ¹⁷ A friend is always loyal, and a brother is born to help in time of need.)

Secular Seven

1.    Be an includer, not an excluder. This goes back to one of my deep childhood fears – being left out / chosen last for dodgeball / eating lunch alone. Some people are clique-y and exclusive. These people will not be my wife.

2.    Have a sense of adventure. Have you ever been to dinner with someone who refuses to try a new dish and only gets the one thing they know they like? Not my wife. I want a woman with a spirit of adventure, who will be up for new challenges and isn’t afraid of trying out the unknown.

3.    Be active. This isn’t a body type thing. I don’t have a particular weight I picture for my wife, but I want her to be active, to enjoy outdoor sports and activities. Since 2000, I’ve discovered that I like jogging and volleyball in addition to my tried-and-true, basketball. I want her to have active things she enjoys as well.

* My Mom piped in here to tell me she was specifically praying that my wife would be a healthy cook, because she wants the grandkids to be raised healthy. Way to go Mom for specific prayers!

4.    Rigorously honest with me. Maybe I’m paranoid about divorce, but I figure that if I can at least count on her to shoot straight with me, and if she can count on me to be honest with her, we can work through just about anything. (Don’t you hate romantic comedies where they both love each other but just can’t tell the truth. Gaa!)

5.    I make her laugh. If I am being honest here (see #4), probably my biggest fear with marriage is that there will come a day when my wife no longer finds me funny. When my jokes are met with indifference or hostility. If I am not funny, I am powerless in front of hurt, anger, loss or frustration. It is how I face the world, with pressure-easing jokes and quips. I hope that no matter what, I can always bring a smile to her face.

6.    Lover of ideas. I am no philosopher, but I deeply enjoyed my university’s Interdisciplinary Core program, where instead of taking a class on specific history or on government or art, we studied every major culture semester by semester, examining government, philosophy, religion, art, history, etc. I love learning new things, and hope she does too.

7.    Tough, strong, and gentle. Everyone says you marry someone like your Mom, and this one is totally her. My Mom is very polite, so some of you may not have seen her tough side, but boy does she have one! At the same time, she can be very tender too. I want my wife to be strong in the face of trials, tough in the face of evil, and also gentle in the face of pain.

OK, so that’s the list. I’ll freely admit that I don’t measure up to most of these, so I’m not saying she’ll match everything perfectly. But still, if we’re playing Mad Science here, this is my list of wifely qualities.

After our dinner, my parents continued the dating theme by giving me a book titled “How to Get a Date Worth Keeping” by Dr. Henry Cloud. I appreciated the book very much, and placed it in the place of honor reserved for parental books on my nightshelf. Where it has remained ever since. Collecting dust.