Day 18: Paula

Bio: Along with Amber (Day 12) and Brian (Day 15), Paula is a treasured friend who joined the twenty-somethings group at church around the same time I did. We both have a deep love of community, and have served together in several different leadership roles. There is a part of me that adores CAMP, the out-of-the-normal experience, roughing it, fires and making your own dinner, getting to know your friends in much deeper ways than you have before. Paula loves that too, and she has put on some retreats that are golden memories for me – Camp Leila with the midnight rowboat adventure, shooting firecrackers at her parents’ farm in Pawnee, the infamous night hike at Watonga. Not to leave out trips to Chicago, Red River or Kansas City. (“No, Daniel, it’s get me one, not get me some!”) Truly awesome memories.

Paula is joyous, Paula is sweet. Paula is steadfast, earnest, and neat. Paula has just the right touch for every occasion. She is also an inspiration on discerning vocation.

I say this last sentence because Paula did something extraordinary. After several years in the medical field, using her college degree and making a decent income, Paula took the time to listen to God, listen to her soul and determine that she was called to leave it and go back to school to be a nurse. Not just for a whim. Because she knew her own giftings and strengths, and she felt that the intersection of her abilities and the world’s needs led her to be an oncology nurse, ministering to cancer patients’ physical and spiritual needs. So she did. She had a horrible medical emergency that knocked her out of school for an entire year, but she did not give up and kept at it until she finished.

Even though I didn’t live through it as she did, her experience matters to me, because it shows me that there is value to taking the time to listen to the Holy Spirit and to our own dreams. It shows me that it takes courage and sacrifice to risk changing what is familiar and comfortable. And how she is now, how satisfied she is with her new occupation, shows me it is worth it. So thanks, Paula, for living purposefully.

Challenge: I won’t print the entire letter Paula wrote me, because it is three wonderful pages of personal stories, encouragements, and challenges. But I will excerpt a few passages.

“I have been reflecting on my own 30^th birthday and the subsequent years. I have now, and had then, an impression/idea that things, life-things, were going to be very different for me after 30. My 30^th was pretty dramatic (not what I’m wishing for yours). However, from that time till now, I’ve had so many adventures and such excitement, more life packed into these past few years than almost all of my twenties. It’s the excitement and adventure I wish/pray for you. There is something to the age of 30 (really, really!) I tend to think of David and Joseph, and even Jesus. Their lives got spectacular at 30.

…One of the main differences in my life now from my life then is a stronger and deeper sense of true godly freedom, an ongoing discovery of true grace, and a continually surprising assurance of deep love. These things continue to cause every day to be an adventure.

…So, on your 30^th birthday, it is my prayer that your life be full of and maxed out with wonderful, exciting adventures with God. My challenge to you is to be immersed in life-giving words for an entire day. … I have included 7 CD’s in this package that you are to listen to in its entirety throughout this day. I realize there are 24 hours in a day and about 7 hours of teaching to listen to. So start early and play late. I have faith you can do it!”

Reaction: Paula is so alive! What powerful words. She should seriously work on writing devotions- her words are simple, true, deep and genuine. Paula is just awesome! As for the challenge, wow. 7 hours of teaching in one day? Looks like it is a sermon series titled “Sons of God” by the pastor of Paula’s church, A.T. Hargrave of Crestwood Baptist. That’s a tall order. I won’t be listening to the new album I just bought on my ipod today!

Recap: Let’s address the elephant in the room immediately. I bombed this challenge. I did not even finish the second CD on the day of the challenge, much less the eighth. (Which, by the way, there were eight, not seven CDs in the teaching series she gave me. Eight hours.) There were a few things that did me in.

One, the announcer who sets up the CDs sounds like Kermit the Frog. Actually, this didn’t affect my progress, but it sure is a remarkable vocal resemblance.

Two, in the CD’s introduction, a church member (not the pastor) makes a statement that had me instantly hitting the rewind button and listening again. He said, “One of the manifestations of God is Jehovah Rophe, the God who heals us. We know it is God’s will for us to be healed.” The reason I listened to that part several times is I don’t agree with his statement- God’s will for his children is for us to be HIS, whether or not we are healed. Sometimes God chooses to heal someone’s physical sickness or problem, and sometimes he doesn’t. I am sure this gentleman didn’t mean any harm by what he said, but I was instantly worried that Paula had given me a bunch of CDs with bad theology, so I listened intently and deliberately to every Bible verse and sermon point. That is good for absorbing teaching but bad for marathon listening. I am happy to report that the actual sermon series itself was great, even if there was that moment of (in my opinion) poor word choice up front.

Three, I had a dinner party planned for that night that would require time to set up and a couple hours of hosting. I hit a new moment in my challenges journey. I was tired of doing crazy stuff. I was tired of nixing regular, planned activities for ridiculous adventures. I was getting tired of my own challenges! So I didn’t drop everything for this challenge like I might have if it was on Day 4 or 8. I had the dinner party (which was fun) and called it a day.

However, I did not give up on the challenge just because I didn’t get it done in 24 hours. It took from July 18 to October 19 for me to listen to all eight CDs in the car on the way to work, but I kept at it a little at a time until it was done. The messages are focused on us viewing life not as orphans, but as sons of God. I enjoyed the speaker’s folksy style, but that did not diminish the insight he shared. Really good content, and I am happy to loan my CDs to anyone who’d like to listen.

Day 17: Steve and Janie

Bio: Steve and Janie were both friends from church who started dating and got married. It’s always fun to get to watch two friends you know separately form a life together. I went to Spain with Janie on a mission trip, and two things stand out to me about her. One, although she is quiet, she can have this great sarcastic wit if you listen closely to what she says. Two, she is a journaling queen, and no mistake. In the flat we stayed in, she would stay up journaling every night. I really admire people who make time to journal, I think it’s a good sign of a strong inner life. Steve is fun, and genuine, and nuts. He is super friendly, good at sports, and has a dog named Blitz who he talks to in a “muppet” voice that is one part Grover and two parts Fozzie. When he leaves me voicemail, he always includes a message from Blitz too, delivered in his signature “blitz” voice. We co-led a study of a book called Celebration of Discipline, and it was great because he and I got to be better friends through that. Great book too.

Challenge: Well, Ben, since you are turning 30, and are such a fine, outstanding young man, we thought it was about time for you to get hitched. You know, tie the knot…. Get married.

So, we picked out the flowers (they are so beautiful), the cake (so scrumptious), and everything else. The best part is we took the time to carefully pick out a bride (your favorite part, we know.) All you need to do is get dressed and show up to the church. Isn’t it exciting! Now, it starts at 9 AM, so don’t be late!

Reaction: Some context here, I read this at approximately 9:15 on July 17 (a Sunday), so I definitely freaked out. Not because I really thought they had a bride for me, but because I was late to church and apparently they had a surprise planned, waiting for me. I seem to be pretty consistently late everywhere, so this was yet another opportunity to cry out to the world for its cruel institution of time.

Then I noticed a second piece of paper in the envelope, and opened that.

REAL challenge: “Ben, now that you are in a complete panic, we’ll get down to business. Challenge? Did we hear you say you want a challenge? Well, how about you sit with us at church (9 AM service) to start things off.

Do you like musicals? We hope you do, and since you enjoy attention, you get to be the star! You might think “That sounds amazing,” but of course, there is a catch. Anytime you speak during the day (from 7 AM to 12:01 midnight) you have to sing your reply. It’s like The Sound of Music or High School Musical, but better. You can’t tell anyone why you are singing, and you have to leave the house sometime today. That means you cannot avoid people, avoid talking, or avoid places. It’s been said the average person speaks close to 10,000 words a day, so we expect the same from you. Only in song!

The fun isn’t over yet, though. You have to go up to random people and pull at least 5 pranks. We recommend watching clips of Edbassmaster on youtube. Look under “Ugly Face, Elmo” or “Chinese Food Take out Prank” or “Drive-Thru Pranks” or “Skippy Stare” for ideas. When you are performing these pranks, and only then, you don’t have to sing. Make sure to get video footage too.

You are probably getting really overwhelmed, but we also want you to get serious, so spend the best hour of the day reading your Bible and in prayer by yourself. If it is put on your heart to witness to someone, do it.

Have fun, don’t forget to document (pictures and video) and remember, we’ll be watching you!!!

Reaction: Wow. That’s kind of a lot. Steve and Janie did not go light on the challenge for the day, huh? Singing all day would be difficult on its own. Doing pranks on strangers? And an hour in the word. And I’m already late for church? Gosh, I AM overwhelmed.

Recap: I raced to church and, instead of sitting in the back as I usually do, I roamed along the sides of the auditorium searching for Steve and Janie. After a bit of searching, I realized they weren’t there!! So I sat alone. (In case anyone is keeping attendance, Janie and Steve did NOT go to service on July 17!)

As the service wound down, my sense of dread increased. Due to my tardiness, I managed to get into church without having to talk to anyone, but I knew when the service ended that my “musical” duties would begin. I really had no idea how I was going to make the singing thing work without looking like a complete freak (which, as you may have noticed from other challenges, I have a big aversion to looking foolish.) 

Service ended, so I nervously headed back to where my friends were gathered. Alright, better bite the bullet, I decided. Make it look natural. And cool. Somehow.

 I nodded to my friends Tim, Brian and roommate Jerrod. “Hey, how was your week?” Tim asked.

“Good,” I sang, in a low tone that, in my head, I thought might sound like my natural voice, but in real life, sounded nothing like. My cheeks flushed. Tim persisted.

“Yeah, what did you do?” he asked.

I cleared my throat and tried again to find a singing tone that would mimic my speaking voice close enough to fool my friends.

“Not much,” I sang, aiming too low and sounding a bit baritone. “Mainly just work,” I sang higher, overshooting and squeaking like Carol Channing. Tim gave me a weird look. My blush deepened. I went on the offensive.

“Brian, what’s new,” I sang, low and soft, and throwing the attention over to him. Brian answered, but I didn’t pay attention as I scrambled to think of a solution. This first singing encounter was not going well, and I had over fifteen hours of singing ahead of me. Every second felt like it lasted excruciatingly long. I needed to buy some time to think of a solution.

I pretended to check my phone and, nodding to the other gents, I exited the church sanctuary. I went and hid in the bathroom for a couple minutes, but did not come up with any outs, so I drug myself back out and walked down to where my small group meets.

A few folks were waiting in the hallway outside our room, and I nodded to my friend Hugh. “What’s up?” I sang at him, still trying to find the perfect tone.

“Somebody sounds chipper,” Hugh said. More blushing on my part. Sure wish I could talk, I thought. And then a revelation hit me.

The challenge is to sing all day, as if I am the star of a musical. What’s one of the most popular musicals of all time? My Fair Lady. And who is the star of that musical? Rex Harrison, he of the speak-the-song-and-sing-a-few-notes-at-the-end fame. There was my path. I’d be like Rex Harrison, speaking the lines, then singing the last few notes of a sentence or phrase. He was certainly a Broadway star, so it fit with the challenge. And it could save me from blasting out loud notes all day. Perfect!

“How was your weekend?” I asked, softly singing the last word and trying out the Harrison phrasing.

“Good,” Hugh said, and filled me in on his goings-on without noticing my slight of tongue. My friend Kat wandered by, so I tried my speech-sing on her.

“Kat, are you enjoying being on vacation?” I spoke-sang. Kat’s a teacher, so she was on break. She didn’t appear to notice my slight singing. Success!

After small group, a bunch of us went to lunch at a Chinese restaurant, and I was able to speak-sing the whole way through lunch without any comments. I did notice one thing, though. Normally I say what I think, with only a minimal filter in place. But this day, I had to think through everything I was going to say and determine which words I would sing. So I took note of everything I said. Every word that left my lips, I thought through before I said it. And it really was a new experience for me. (Don’t laugh. You try it!) It’s restrictive, in a way, because it slows down the quick flow of conversation, but it makes my words more reasoned, more considered.

I don’t know if I’m describing this very well, but it was like I measured my words. I spoke less, with shorter sentences, so everything I did say I tried to communicate as clearly and succinctly as possible. I was limited in what I could say, but maybe in a good way.

I retreated to my house for the afternoon, because my roommate Jerrod is quiet by nature and quite content to not bother a person with a lot of conversation, so I knew I’d be safe from the singing challenge. I turned my attention to the prank requirement of the challenge. And the first thing that came to mind is probably the most-used prank of all time. The Ding Dong Ditch (DDD).

Some people did a lot of toilet-papering and car chalking and DDD-ing in their middle school years, but I was a rather well-behaved fourteen-year-old and never dreamed of such daring-do. The result of this is that, as a grown-up, I now adore middle-school pranks and never feel too “grown up” for a good ole TP or DDD.

The DDD has a lot of variations, but the classic variation is this: 1. Approach house, 2. Ring door bell, 3. Flee, 4. Hide and watch your victim come to the door needlessly, 5. Cackle with glee.

The challenge specifically said random people, so I waited until the cover of darkness had fallen, and then I picked my first random house, one on the northwest side of UCO with my random friends Matt and Julianne inside. (They are awesome and very, very random!)

As this is not my first prank-attack, I prepped my car for the operation: dome light turned off, parked several houses away, and driver-side door unlocked (in case a speedy entry to the vehicle is needed.) There was some sort of college kid party going on across the street, and I didn’t want to be identified, so I walked as nonchalantly as I could towards Matt’s house. Heart-pounding, I stretched out a trembling hand and pushed the doorbell.

I heard nothing. No faint sound of chimes, no echo through the house. I was already tensed for a quick getaway, but I hesitated and jabbed the button a second time. Still nothing, but I couldn’t risk staying there in case the doorbell did work, so I did my best Usain Bolt impersonation and ran like the wind.

I had a video camera in my car trained on the house to record what transpired, because I ran in the opposite direction of my car (this ain’t my first rodeo!) After a good ten minutes of wandering side streets, I got back to my car and checked the video camera. Bust. No one came to the door.

I could describe the next three houses I went to, but it was basically a variation on the same theme- excitement, DDD, no one came to the door. What is wrong with people these days, ignoring their door bells after 10 pm at night?! America, you need to answer the door! And by America, I mean Brian, Steve and Janie, and Matt and Michael specifically.

However, I am proud to say that after TWO rings at the home of my (random) friends Kyle and Jason, someone did come to the door!! I asked them about it later, and turns out it was neither one of them, it was their third roommate who I don’t know. But regardless, at least one of my DDD’s worked! There is hope for our nation yet.

So there you have it. Day 17, done!

Day 16 - Sarah

Bio: Sarah is a friend I first met in 2005 when I was getting involved at Henderson. She is charismatic, smart, and a go-getter, she loves music and live concerts with a passion, and she is a photo-taking nazi who will enlist absolute strangers to take photos of her and friends. She is serious about those photos!

There are two things I really admire about Sarah. One, she takes the time to know her inner world enough that she knows what she wants. I don’t mean that in a selfish sense, I mean that in a purpose-filled life sense. Her activities, her time, her city of residence, all of these things are informed by her sense of where God is leading her and what he has entrusted her to do.

Two, she loves art and culture along with having a powerful faith, and can recognize the value of some “secular” art. Eternal truths are spoken or illustrated in the oddest places in art and culture. Just because the author isn’t explicitly faith-focused doesn’t mean there aren’t powerful truths to uncover in their work. As an example, Sarah introduced me to my favorite magazine, Relevant Magazine, which I highly recommend for any and all.

Day 16 Challenge: Ben, I’ve enjoyed browsing your blog these past few days, reading all about your exploits with pictures for proof. I honestly have struggled a little bit to come up with a worthy challenge for you. Although I’m still not convinced I have done so, the clock is ticking on my date. I’m pretty sure I need to get this in the mail TO-DAY. So here is, perhaps, a strange challenge… sort of like a car wash in terms of choices. I’ll explain.

If you’d like a GOOD challenge (wash, underbody, dry): Set aside an hour or so and go visit a kill shelter (as in an animal shelter where they end up putting the animals to sleep). If allowed, spend some time with the animals, petting them, maybe even letting them lick your face (I hear you are into the whole kissing thing).

If you’d like a BETTER challenge (full body shine- conditioning, tri-color foam, Durashield Protectant with Body Armor): Find a home for one of these animals. Rack your brain and track down someone who’d like a pet, and secure some kind of verbal agreement that he or she will in fact adopt from the shelter you visited.

If you’d like the BEST challenge (Tire shine package- long lasting tire shine, wheel cleaner PLUS full-body shine): Adopt one of these animals yourself. I realize this may not be a realistic challenge for you, and that is why you may consider the challenge complete should you do the “good” or “better” option. However, I did want to throw it out there in case you had been thinking, “Man, what I’d really like for my 30^th birthday is a pet!” And that is it… enjoy your Saturday!

Reaction: Huh. I continue to be surprised at the originality of the challenges. From what I know of Sarah, I would have bet money she would have had a music challenge of some kind, so this one takes me by complete surprise! I’ve never been to an animal shelter, so it will be a first for me in discovering what those places are like. I have to say, my chances of adopting a pet are pretty slim at the moment. 1) Jerrod owns the house so he gets to decide that stuff, and 2) I don’t think I want to keep an animal locked up in our house for 8 hours a day when I’m at work. Still, I’m glad she gave me options.

Recap:

I looked online and found the city of Edmond (where I live) has an animal shelter not too far from my house, off of Danforth and I-35. So in early afternoon, I hopped in my car and headed over there. There are several buildings housing city offices spread out among a pretty wooded drive alongside the animal shelter, which gives it a nice, nature-infused feel. Walking up to the door, I noticed several signs declaring anyone bringing an animal into the shelter had to go in and give the staff a heads-up first. I’m guessing there was an unfortunate incident or two between animals in the entry area.

I read the sign outside the door, which listed the various services the shelter provided, and at what price. Euthanization was an option, so I knew this was a kill-shelter, part of Sarah’s requirements. I haven’t thought too much about kill-shelters being bad or good, but if you want my opinion, they don’t upset me. Having wild animals roaming around isn’t good for public health, so these shelters provide a service to all of us. And if these animals get a chance to get adopted first, then that sounds like a fair system to me.

One of my friends, Kyle (Day 5) has rescued two dogs from the OKC animal shelter, and one of the things he’d warned me about was the smell. According to Kyle, walking into the OKC shelter is like getting hit in the face with an overpowering stench of dogs and cats. (Let’s be honest, folks. It’s largely dogs). However, I can honestly say the Edmond shelter does not smell that way. It smells of bleach. Strongly. Still, I’d rather go into a place that smelled like a cleaning product than one that smells like 100 odorific dogs. Good job Edmond.

There were two ladies at the front desk. One of them was helping a dad and his daughter fill out adoption paperwork for a dog, maybe a lab, sitting next to them. I waited in line, and listened to the process. Adopting sounds really easy, with one condition – that you own your residence. This man did not, and so the worker explained they would have to call the landlord and talk to him or her and get permission before they could sign over the animal. The man didn’t look pleased, but I’m sure this saves the shelter from adopting out animals that get returned a few days later when a landlord finds out.

The second lady, short, brown-haired with a bit of a button nose, waved me over. “What can I do for you?” she asked. I told her I wanted to look at some animals, if I could. She buzzed open a door next to the waiting area and I walked through.

I stood in a wide hallway with a couple doors leading off of it and a bit window ahead. To my right was a row of medium-sized cages with cats in them. Some were tabby, some were black and white, and one was all white. I felt a little awkward staring at the cats when I really had no intention of adopting one. It was like I worried they’d be able to tell and would, I don’t know, hiss at me or something. Cats are usually pretty stand-off-ish anyway. One of my friends told me, “Dogs think of themselves as people. Cats think of themselves as gods.” Which I think is pretty true. So what these cats did surprised me.

They were affectionate. With a stranger. I put my fingers through the slats of the top cage and started petting the cat there. It had been asleep, but it woke up and began pressing itself against the wires, letting me pet it. Once it was obvious I was staying and not moving on, all the cats did this. Some were more insistent than others, but all of them (about 15 cats) were eager for my touch. One of the cats on the bottom row of cages stuck its front paw out of the cage and hooked my shorts in its claw, almost as if it was crying out “Pet me!”

I made time to pet each one of the cats, and gave a couple some extra pets because they tugged at my heart strings a little. I wonder what goes on in a domesticated cat’s brain where it comes to long for human touch, as these cats did. Have we bred that into them? Do cats that go feral miss being petted and rubbed? I know people need human contact, but these cats acted like they did too. It surprised me.

I walked over to the big window and looked in on a kitten room. There were somewhere around 30 kittens in the room, which looked to be kitty heaven. Lots of comfy cushions lay about for napping, there were several large scratching posts with multiple levels for the cats to play on, along with hanging baskets and toys scattered on the ground. Seriously, if you are looking for a moment of sheer “AW” cuteness, that room will not be topped. Right next to the window was a chair that had five to seven kittens sleeping piled into a heap together. Others were romping around the scratching posts, and others were sleeping here or there about the room. I stood at the window and watched for a bit, picking out the different colors and types of fur in the room.

Loud barking interrupted my reverie. Two volunteers came in, a teenage boy and his mom, who each had a dog on a leash. The dogs were eager and straining at their leashes, and the two led the dogs into a room off the hallway where loud barks greeted their entry. Dogs are just loud.

I located a second room of dogs, other than the one the volunteers went into, and walked inside. There were about 16 cages, large to my mind (seven or eight feel long, four feet wide, 7 feet high) made of cross-hatch fencing. All the cages were full. I started at one end and worked my way down, petting the dogs. There were a lot more little dogs than there were big dogs. I don’t know if that is generally true of all shelters or just this one on this day. Of course the dogs were eager for me to pet them, as I anticipated.

One of the dogs towards the end was impatient for me to get to his cage, and he barked at me insistently to get over there and pet him! I like to think of myself as young and hip, but sometimes my inner fuddy-duddy comes out in force, and this was one instance of that. I didn’t like that dog barking so loud, and I didn’t appreciate him trying to get me to skip the others and attend to him only, so you know what I did? I skipped his pen and petted every other dog first. That showed him, huh? Maybe I should be disturbed by that. Maybe that shows a mean streak in me. I don’t know. If I’m honest, even though I think dog lovers are cooler than cat lovers, I am not a dog person. Dogs are stupid, and you can’t reason with them, and they are overly dependent on you and needy for attention, and I just prefer animals that behave. That’s sort of how I feel about children too. Shudder for my future offspring, and say a prayer!

I went through a second round of petting the dogs and then left the room. Out in the hallway a Mom and her pre-teen daughter were staring in the kitten room and discussing which one they wanted to adopt. The brown-haired shelter worker was there, so I struck up a conversation with her. Her name was Kelly, and she was from Scotland (which I noticed her accent break through the more I talked with her.) Actually, confession: I don’t remember her name, but I’m pretty sure it started with a K and Kelly sounds Irish, which is close to Scotland, so there you go.

The shelter worker told me they had two rooms for dogs, and both were full, that there were too many people not taking care of their dogs. They also recently moved the adult cats to the cages and put the kittens in the kitty room because there were so many of them. I asked what brought her to the U.S., and she said she was a grad student in violin studies at UCO.

The mother/daughter duo wanted to go into the kitten room to take a closer look at their pick, and I asked to tag along, so we all got to go into kitty heaven. The kittens weren’t as desperate as the caged adult cats to be petted (and many were asleep), but I did give some love to about 10 little kittens. One of them, my favorite, had funky stripes all over his body and was sleeping in this hanging basket all by himself. He’s probably the cool kid of the group.

The mother/daughter team picked out their kitten, and I had no more areas to explore, so I called it a day and headed out. I did make a measly little effort to shoot for the better challenge, and texted several friends that I was at the shelter, it was simple and easy to adopt a pet, and if they wanted one they should come over and get one. I didn’t get any replies, though, so I guess I only accomplished the “good” challenge. I can’t say that I walked away from the shelter with any new revelations on pet adoption, but if I ever do decide to get a pet, I know the Edmond animal shelter is a great place to do that.

However, since the car wash theme of the challenge got me thinking about it, I did go wash my car that day. I got the medium-grade wash, too. ;)

Day 15 - Brian

Bio: Brian is a fascinating guy. He is a finance guru, fastidiously tidy, and appreciates fine architecture, quality furnishings, and exotic food. Yet, despite his love of order and cleanliness, he opens his home to having our church group over several times a year. He doesn’t begrudge us tramping dirt inside and leaving crumbs in his house, and willingly stays up super late to vacuum every square inch of carpet after we leave.

When I first met Brian, I thought he was quiet and a bit stuck up. Then I talked with him about life and spirituality, and found a really deep, wise friend. Brian comes at life through a different lens than I (and probably using a different side of the brain), but I appreciate how he takes the time to think things out, to really ponder on an idea or philosophy or dilemma. His actions carry the weight of forethought, and he is neither hasty nor foolish. He has given me much good advice and counsel. (Recent example. Me: I think I’ll get a faux hawk at my next haircut. Brian: [pause] I think those were popular last year.)

Plus, he has an automated tie rack that cycles through his impressive collection of ties at the push of a button. Every time we go over there we give tours of his closet. It is even on youtube. That tie rack is famous.

Challenge: Slide down at least 3 floors of the fire escape slide inside the City Place Tower (UMB Bank building) downtown. (Bring an old sheet or something to slide on – it’s likely very dusty.)

Reaction: WHAT????? Slide down … what??? How…why…wow. This is not what I expected from Uptown. I definitely re-read the challenge to make sure I wasn’t misreading it. Nope. This challenge came WAY out of left field. Can you use a fire escape without there being a fire? Is that even legal? Oh boy, it occurs to me I never told my challengers they had to stay legal. What if I set off a fire alarm in using the slide? That would be big trouble.

Of course, leave it to Brian to give me a ridiculous challenge in the most efficient way possible – the whole thing totals 33 words. None wasted. Of all my challenges, this could be the riskiest (at least legally.) I’m going to have to do a lot of research and reconn to make sure I can pull this off. Well challenged, Brian!

Recap: I started the day with a definite buzz from not knowing how the challenge would end up – success, failure, jail? There were lots of ways this thing could go. When I’m faced with a lot of uncertainty, I like to gather facts and gain as much knowledge as I can, so that is how I started. I did some google searching and utilized Wikipedia. A few of the online references mentioned that the City Place Tower did have a working fire escape, but as to where it was or what would happen if someone slid down it – nada. I learned that it is the original building’s fire escape and was built, along with the building, in 1931. It is a spiral slide spanning 33 floors. That’s some serious dizzy.

About mid-morning I texted three friends that work downtown to see if they had heard of doing this. Maybe it’s like a downtown worker’s initiation test. I mean, if Brian gave it to me as a challenge, it must be possible. Some people must have done it, and talked about it. Right?

The texts I got back did not encourage me. No one had heard of doing this. Not even a bit. Feeling desperation creeping on, I texted Brian (who was out of town) to see if he’d throw me a bone on some details. I also made plans to drive over to City Place Tower during lunch.

About 11:00 am, Brian responded back with the name of a local forum where folks post thoughts on life and work in OKC. I got on there and searched for city place tower. The forum coughed up a random collection of posts that I read through without finding any mention of fire escapes. I tried various combinations of search terms, with “fire escape” “slide” “City Place Tower” all sprinkled in, but again, nothing came up. I texted Brian back, feeling a bit betrayed that he sent me on a wild goose chase.

Right before lunch, he texted that there WAS a thread on the forum discussing sliding down the fire escape, and if I would just be patient, I could find it. So I took some time to read through pretty much every post I could find that looked like it MIGHT relate to my topic. And what do you know, several comment pages in to a discussion thread that started out talking about something completely different, I struck gold. The commentators on the site started sharing stories of sliding down the fire escape. No one gave specifics of where it was (one even went so far as to word her post as if she might or might not have done it. For legal protection.) From what I read, here are the facts. 1) several people have slid down, most while drunk 2) it is very dusty at the bottom, and 3) you pop out next to a security guard, so you better be ready to run. Great.

I wanted to survey the situation inside the skyscraper, so I drove over there on my lunch break. I was simply going inside to look around, but my nerves were already on edge. I kept thinking, “Don’t be so noticeable” as I walked around the sunny streets. Looking back on it, I’m sure whatever security measures are in place downtown, they aren’t watching EVERYONE, but I sure felt like I stuck out like a sore thumb. Like I had a neon sign on my forehead that read “Warning! Criminal activity being planned!”

I walked into the lobby, which has a Cool Greens restaurant under construction on the left and UMB bank on the right. No security guards noticeable at first glance. I had decided ahead of time I needed to look like I knew where I was going, versus clearly wandering and staring. So I strode forward confidently and scanned for the elevators. I found them, and followed a herd of ladies returning from lunch into one. I stared at the rows of numbers and panicked at which one to push.

“Honey, I got somewhere to be,” one of the women prodded, though she smiled as if it were a joke. I jammed my finger into the mix of numbers and smiled tersely back at her. I looked down. Floor nine was my destination.

We dumped one woman on a lower floor, and then floor nine arrived. Keeping to my “cover” of being a legitimate visitor, I strode confidently off the elevator. I was in a long hallway with fancy paintings and wood paneling. A man was walking past me, and I looked for a reception desk to see if I would be watched. The man looked at me and stopped walking. “Can I help you?” he asked, without sounding like he really wanted to help me at all. I scrambled mentally, muttering something about enjoying modern architecture and seeking out a nice view of Oklahoma City’s downtown. “There’s no good view from here,” he said firmly. I took the hint and said, “Oh, sorry to bother you,” trying to match my tone to his so he’d know I wasn’t really sorry in the least. Defeated, I turned around and hit the “down” elevator button.

I traveled down to the sixth floor and got off again. This floor was more what I was looking for – a narrow hallway with offices leading off it. I think the ninth floor is one big office, so they can spot intruders instantly. Most of the other floors are a collection of offices that open off the hallway, so they don’t know who you are going to visit (and don’t ask questions). The offices on 6 were closed and no one was around, so I walked up and down the hall slowly, searching for any sign of a fire escape. I wasn’t sure if it would be in the center area of each floor, or if the slide was on one side of the building. Was it bricked up, covered over? Would I have to sweet-talk my way past a secretary to get to it? Six gave me no answers. I got back on the elevator.

I exited again on the second floor, not yet ready to give up, and then I discovered it. A map. A fire evacuation map! There, with a clear diagram, was the location of the fire escape stairs. And marked by a little triangle, it showed exactly where the slide was, close to the elevators in the center of the building. I turned around eagerly and located what I thought was the escape. On one wall was a door frame, but instead of doors inside, there were simply two pieces of wood painted to match the wall. They filled the door frame and met in the middle of it, as a door would, but without door handles. I surveyed the frame. I didn’t see any wires, and there was no marking on it. Nothing that said “Do not enter or alarm will sound.” No threats of legal action. Just a door frame with two pieces of wood. I stared at the entrance until I was satisfied I had surveyed it thoroughly. Content I would not set off a fire alarm, I returned to the elevator and exited on the ground floor.

My excitement at finding the entrance was hit with a reality check as I walked through the lobby. If they had security cameras (likely) then my face and my clothes were now documented as being in the City Place Tower. If I got away with sliding down the slide, but they went back through their security footage, they could find what I looked like. I could see the evening newscast perfectly: Linda Cavanaugh declaring the police were looking for a criminal suspect, and flashing my mug on the screen for my Mom and Grandma to recognize in horror.

I got in my car and drove back to the office, running through scenarios in my head. I texted my friend Jason (Day 1) because I knew he wasn’t working. “Dude, can you bring me a ballcap and sunglasses?” I asked. He sent back that he could. Good. Perhaps the powers that be would have some trouble linking me with the lunchtime footage if I looked different.

The end of the work day approached, and my nervousness and anticipation grew. Even though hardened career criminals like me know better, I told several folks at the office what I was planning. (Another symptom of nervousness. I get very loose lipped.) I got some raised eyebrows but also encouragements. After talking it over with co-workers, I decided I didn’t want to ride the slide all the way to the bottom floor. Trying to run after 33 floors is probably like running after turning around those baseball bats 10 times. You end up flopped over on your side from lack of balance. And while security guards don’t have legal authority to arrest you, they can call police officers who do. So it would be a partial ride for me. Then Jason arrived and dropped off the sunglasses and the hat.

At last the work day was done, and I drove over to downtown. I parked several blocks and a couple turns away. My escape strategy was to mix into the crowd and gradually get back to my car, so “they” wouldn’t get my license plate. I got my emergency flashlight and tow rope out of the back of my car and put them in a backpack, along with a towel (to slide on), a granola bar, and a back-up cell phone. I put the hat from Jason on, slung on the sunglasses, and walked towards the tower.

I entered the lobby but left the sunglasses on, staring at the floor and resisting the urge to look around the room for security cameras. I did stare at the wall next to the elevator where the fire escape should be, but it looked like a solid sheet of marble, so that is probably not where it lets out.

Following protocol, I hit the up button confidently and got on my ride. I pushed the button for the top floor – 33 – but it would not light up. I tried several more floors, but the highest you can go is 24. The top floors must be by access card only.

As the elevator rose, my pulse was pounding in my ears. I kept licking my lips and clearing my throat. The thought “I can’t believe I’m doing this” bounced around in my head. And then the little elevator chime sounded, and I was there.

I walked out of the elevator. Empty hall, with several offices leading off of it. They all looked deserted. I thanked heaven it was a Friday and everyone was probably gone. I stared at the two slabs of wood marking my destination. And then I ran into the bathroom to pee and try to calm down a little.

I washed my face and took several deep breaths, staring at myself in the bathroom mirror. “I only have to go down 3 flights,” I said aloud. “I’m not doing it if it feels rickety or unsafe. Besides, it’s a working fire escape. They have to test it and keep it safe.” My heart was still racing, but that was my best pep talk, so I grabbed my bag and walked out the door.

I took a few steps until I stood beside the fire escape entrance. No one was around. I put my hand on one of the wood pieces and pushed. Nothing happened. I pushed harder, and it creaked and then gave before me. Behind it was a small room, about the size of a closet, with a dull light shining on the wall, a low ceiling, and a large, gaping, black hole in the wall directly across from me.

I pushed the other side of the entrance open and stepped into the closet, letting the doors close behind me. They had handles on the inside, but were made to be pushed open from the outside. The light made me feel better about the safety of the slide – it was on when I entered, so the building crew must change the lights regularly and keep them lit. Which means they probably keep the slide working too.

I put my bag down and got out the towel and the flashlight. My light was pretty small, but I could see the slide curved fairly steeply down from the wall opening. It was metal, and the air inside was cool but didn’t have a particularly noticeable smell. So no one died in there recently, another plus. Part of me wanted to hesitate longer, and check it out more, but I knew the more I waited the more nervous I would get. So I got out the towel, draped it carefully in the slide, put my bag on my chest, and gingerly eased my way into the hole.

If you’ve been to the Bermuda triangle at White Water waterpark in OKC, you probably know how you can put your feet out and slow yourself down as you slide down the attraction. Same principle here. I had my hands and feet splayed out against the sides to keep me from moving as I prepared to begin my slide into the unknown. Once I had my towel properly spread out beneath me, I let myself slide a tiny bit down. I probably went all of three inches. I stopped. All my breathing noises and cloth rubbing against the slide echoed loudly around me. I took a deep breath and let myself slide further down in the tube, inching into the darkness.

The slide continued its steep curve, and as near as I could tell, it circles twice every floor. So after making one and a half circles down, I could see light ahead of me in the tube. I slid on, slowly, and found myself next to the entrance for floor 23. It looked exactly like floor 24 did – dull light, bare closet, big round hole to the slide. They built the slide so every floor has an entrance, which was good since I could keep track of how many floors I had been down by counting the lights I passed.

I was sweating slightly, but my first slide had gone fine. There was no shaking movement from the slide, no hidden nails or razor blades in the tube waiting to cut me. I picked up my feet and let myself slide a tiny bit faster into the darkness again.

I counted and am certain there are two circles between floors. As I neared the entrance for floor 22, my towel started to get away from me and my shirt pulled up from the slight corrugation in the tube, which meant my back caught on the metal. It was just a slight pull, nothing painful, but it again brought to mind the Bermuda Triangle ride. I can’t tell you how many times I lost my tube on that ride, and the seams of the plastic tunnel chafe your skin as you slide over.

I stopped, pushing out with my arms and legs to hold myself still, and adjusted the towel. I decided that it was time to man up, so this time I let go and really let myself slide. One floor passed, then two, then I passed an opening without a light, then three and four and five more. My head was getting dizzy, but my heart was elated – I was doing it! I was riding the forbidden fire escape. I passed one more floor and decided I had more than met the demands of the challenge, so I put out my hands and feet and stopped myself beside the next floor’s entrance. I pulled myself and my bag out of the hole a little shaky but very excited.

Of course, I still had to get out of the building, but I had a sense of victory now that even getting caught couldn’t dampen. I packed the towel and flashlight back up in my bag, then eased the door open slightly, Mission Impossible style.

The floor in front of me was clearly under construction. A cart with work supplies stood on one side of the room, while plastic sheeting with a layer of dust on top covered the floor. “Uh-oh,” I thought. If someone’s on the elevator when it opens, they will see me on a floor I’m not supposed to be on. Better hope the elevator’s empty for the ride down.

I pushed the elevator button, then ran back and hid in the fire escape closet. When the elevator doors opened, I watched the floor to see if the light shining out of the elevator had any shadows of people in it. It did not. I ran to the elevator, got inside, and rode down to the ground floor. I just had one more thing to do. I put my shades back on. When the elevator stopped, I sauntered off and walked out of the lobby doors, without anyone saying so much as a peep. Victory is sweet.

I recorded the following two video clips of this day’s challenge – I hope they work for you.

Did I mention i was sweaty?

Day 14 - DAD and Recap

Day 14 – Dad

Bio: I could write pages about my Dad, because he’s great and I love having him for a Dad. But I can sum it up with this: He is more dependable than steel, he is both kind and strong, he eats oatmeal every day for breakfast, he never opens a gift early, he listens better than anyone on earth, and I have never had cause for a moment to doubt his love for me or my family.

Challenge: “Yo, Mate. We know you have a hankering for the Outback, so we would like to help you experience it. Your challenge is to ask out a girl of your choosing, which hopefully you truly like, for a date. The event does not have to be July 14 but you have to try and ask her on or before that date for a dinner at Outback Steakhouse. You will be accompanied by your wonderful parents who will pay for it and will be entertaining company. Love, Dad (with helpful input from Mom.)

Reaction: Depending on your age, dear reader, you will probably think one of two things. If you are my parents’ age, I imagine you will think, “Ah, what a fun idea.” If you are my age, perhaps you will think, as I did, “Holy Awkward Date, What on earth are they thinking?!”

This challenge is at once both sweet and horrifying. It is sweet because, of COURSE my parents would be entertaining company, and it is touching that they want to give me a great dinner for a date. It is horrifying, because how intense is dinner with the parents to the girl involved? VERY. Meeting the parents is something that weekends are devoted to, elaborate schemes are made up for, comedic movies are made about. Not something for a casual dinner out.

A few minutes out from reading this, other questions sprung off from the initial ones. “So, do they think I don’t date enough? Is this a message from my parents that they think I am so bad at dating that I need their intervention? And who could I possibly invite to this who would not be freaked out?” I sorted through my options.

I could ask a former girlfriend who is back in town for the summer. Of course, she’s been dating someone else for a year now, so that would be…. Awkward. I could ask two girls I’ve gone on a couple dates with over the last six months but am not currently pursuing. “Hey, Girl Z, I haven’t been on a date with you for a couple months, but how about dinner with me? AND my genetic forebearers!” Awkward. Or I could ask some girl I have never been on a date with, ever, to dinner with my parents. AWKWARD.

I briefly considered signing up for an online dating service like e-harmony, setting up a date for that night, and just shock this random girl by walking in with my folks. While that sounds funny in my head, I don’t think it would be very funny to her. So that was out too.

I know I set up these challenges to be pretty much anything, but I felt that since it involved someone else, a girl whose feelings ought to be a concern, I just couldn’t do it, not with my current dating situation. So I went to the folks and presented my case.

“My first date with your father, we went to dinner with his parents,” my Mom said, instantly underscoring that my Dad won her through true love and not romantic prowess. “Really?” I asked, feeling my argument slipping away. “How was that?”

“He got sick and laid his head on the table and I talked to Grandma,” she said. My Dad is no Don Juan, folks. “And that’s the sort of evening you are envisioning for me?” I asked plaintively. “Look, if it was just me involved doing something crazy, that’s fine. But I’d have to drag someone else into this. I just think a dinner with the parents is a serious thing you do once the relationship is established, not at the very outset.”

Both parents gave me disappointed eyes, but agreed to alter their challenge.

NEW challenge: Come up with 14 qualities you are looking for in a wife. Tell parents at dinner at Outback steakhouse.

Reaction 2: Much better. And yet, why the emphasis on wife/marriage/dating? My parents are really stuck on that topic.

Recap: I had a nice dinner with my parents (who are wholly decent people for letting me change the challenge and still taking me to Outback.) Without further ado, here are my 14 wife characteristics. (And yes, Jerrod, I totally stole one from your list. But you don’t have a copyright on Proverbs 31!)

Spiritual Seven

1.    I want my wife to be deeply rooted in Christ, someone with a mature faith who gives wise counsel. (Jeremiah 17:5-9, ⁵ This is what the Lord says: “Cursed are those who put their trust in mere humans, who rely on human strength and turn their hearts away from the Lord. ⁶ They are like stunted shrubs in the desert, with no hope for the future. They will live in the barren wilderness, in an uninhabited salty land. ⁷ “But blessed are those who trust in the Lord and have made the Lord their hope and confidence. ⁸ They are like trees planted along a riverbank, with roots that reach deep into the water. Such trees are not bothered by the heat or worried by long months of drought. Their leaves stay green, and they never stop producing fruit.)

2.    To love the church. (Hebrews 10:24-25, ²⁴ Let us think of ways to motivate one another to acts of love and good works. ²⁵ And let us not neglect our meeting together, as some people do, but encourage one another, especially now that the day of his return is drawing near.)

3.    To love the lost. (I Thessalonians 2:8, ⁸ We loved you so much that we shared with you not only God’s Good News but our own lives, too.)

4.    I hope my wife’s identity as a child of Christ is tested and true, that she knows God’s promises for her. (Hebrews 10:23,  ²³ Let us hold tightly without wavering to the hope we affirm, for God can be trusted to keep his promise. I Thessalonians 5:5,  ⁵ For you are all children of the light and of the day; we don’t belong to darkness and night. Romans 8:15,  ¹⁵ So you have not received a spirit that makes you fearful slaves. Instead, you received God’s Spirit when he adopted you as his own children. Now we call him, “Abba, Father.” )

5.    Be an encourager. (Proverbs 31:25-26, ²⁵ She is clothed with strength and dignity, and she laughs without fear of the future. ²⁶ When she speaks, her words are wise, and she gives instructions with kindness.)

6.    Embrace sacrifice. (Philippians 3:17, ⁷ I once thought these things were valuable, but now I consider them worthless because of what Christ has done. ⁸ Yes, everything else is worthless when compared with the infinite value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have discarded everything else, counting it all as garbage, so that I could gain Christ ⁹ and become one with him.)

7.    Be loyal to friends and family, but to understand the need for our family to have good boundaries too. (Proverbs 17:17, ¹⁷ A friend is always loyal, and a brother is born to help in time of need.)

Secular Seven

1.    Be an includer, not an excluder. This goes back to one of my deep childhood fears – being left out / chosen last for dodgeball / eating lunch alone. Some people are clique-y and exclusive. These people will not be my wife.

2.    Have a sense of adventure. Have you ever been to dinner with someone who refuses to try a new dish and only gets the one thing they know they like? Not my wife. I want a woman with a spirit of adventure, who will be up for new challenges and isn’t afraid of trying out the unknown.

3.    Be active. This isn’t a body type thing. I don’t have a particular weight I picture for my wife, but I want her to be active, to enjoy outdoor sports and activities. Since 2000, I’ve discovered that I like jogging and volleyball in addition to my tried-and-true, basketball. I want her to have active things she enjoys as well.

* My Mom piped in here to tell me she was specifically praying that my wife would be a healthy cook, because she wants the grandkids to be raised healthy. Way to go Mom for specific prayers!

4.    Rigorously honest with me. Maybe I’m paranoid about divorce, but I figure that if I can at least count on her to shoot straight with me, and if she can count on me to be honest with her, we can work through just about anything. (Don’t you hate romantic comedies where they both love each other but just can’t tell the truth. Gaa!)

5.    I make her laugh. If I am being honest here (see #4), probably my biggest fear with marriage is that there will come a day when my wife no longer finds me funny. When my jokes are met with indifference or hostility. If I am not funny, I am powerless in front of hurt, anger, loss or frustration. It is how I face the world, with pressure-easing jokes and quips. I hope that no matter what, I can always bring a smile to her face.

6.    Lover of ideas. I am no philosopher, but I deeply enjoyed my university’s Interdisciplinary Core program, where instead of taking a class on specific history or on government or art, we studied every major culture semester by semester, examining government, philosophy, religion, art, history, etc. I love learning new things, and hope she does too.

7.    Tough, strong, and gentle. Everyone says you marry someone like your Mom, and this one is totally her. My Mom is very polite, so some of you may not have seen her tough side, but boy does she have one! At the same time, she can be very tender too. I want my wife to be strong in the face of trials, tough in the face of evil, and also gentle in the face of pain.

OK, so that’s the list. I’ll freely admit that I don’t measure up to most of these, so I’m not saying she’ll match everything perfectly. But still, if we’re playing Mad Science here, this is my list of wifely qualities.

After our dinner, my parents continued the dating theme by giving me a book titled “How to Get a Date Worth Keeping” by Dr. Henry Cloud. I appreciated the book very much, and placed it in the place of honor reserved for parental books on my nightshelf. Where it has remained ever since. Collecting dust.