Day 17: Steve and Janie

Bio: Steve and Janie were both friends from church who started dating and got married. It’s always fun to get to watch two friends you know separately form a life together. I went to Spain with Janie on a mission trip, and two things stand out to me about her. One, although she is quiet, she can have this great sarcastic wit if you listen closely to what she says. Two, she is a journaling queen, and no mistake. In the flat we stayed in, she would stay up journaling every night. I really admire people who make time to journal, I think it’s a good sign of a strong inner life. Steve is fun, and genuine, and nuts. He is super friendly, good at sports, and has a dog named Blitz who he talks to in a “muppet” voice that is one part Grover and two parts Fozzie. When he leaves me voicemail, he always includes a message from Blitz too, delivered in his signature “blitz” voice. We co-led a study of a book called Celebration of Discipline, and it was great because he and I got to be better friends through that. Great book too.

Challenge: Well, Ben, since you are turning 30, and are such a fine, outstanding young man, we thought it was about time for you to get hitched. You know, tie the knot…. Get married.

So, we picked out the flowers (they are so beautiful), the cake (so scrumptious), and everything else. The best part is we took the time to carefully pick out a bride (your favorite part, we know.) All you need to do is get dressed and show up to the church. Isn’t it exciting! Now, it starts at 9 AM, so don’t be late!

Reaction: Some context here, I read this at approximately 9:15 on July 17 (a Sunday), so I definitely freaked out. Not because I really thought they had a bride for me, but because I was late to church and apparently they had a surprise planned, waiting for me. I seem to be pretty consistently late everywhere, so this was yet another opportunity to cry out to the world for its cruel institution of time.

Then I noticed a second piece of paper in the envelope, and opened that.

REAL challenge: “Ben, now that you are in a complete panic, we’ll get down to business. Challenge? Did we hear you say you want a challenge? Well, how about you sit with us at church (9 AM service) to start things off.

Do you like musicals? We hope you do, and since you enjoy attention, you get to be the star! You might think “That sounds amazing,” but of course, there is a catch. Anytime you speak during the day (from 7 AM to 12:01 midnight) you have to sing your reply. It’s like The Sound of Music or High School Musical, but better. You can’t tell anyone why you are singing, and you have to leave the house sometime today. That means you cannot avoid people, avoid talking, or avoid places. It’s been said the average person speaks close to 10,000 words a day, so we expect the same from you. Only in song!

The fun isn’t over yet, though. You have to go up to random people and pull at least 5 pranks. We recommend watching clips of Edbassmaster on youtube. Look under “Ugly Face, Elmo” or “Chinese Food Take out Prank” or “Drive-Thru Pranks” or “Skippy Stare” for ideas. When you are performing these pranks, and only then, you don’t have to sing. Make sure to get video footage too.

You are probably getting really overwhelmed, but we also want you to get serious, so spend the best hour of the day reading your Bible and in prayer by yourself. If it is put on your heart to witness to someone, do it.

Have fun, don’t forget to document (pictures and video) and remember, we’ll be watching you!!!

Reaction: Wow. That’s kind of a lot. Steve and Janie did not go light on the challenge for the day, huh? Singing all day would be difficult on its own. Doing pranks on strangers? And an hour in the word. And I’m already late for church? Gosh, I AM overwhelmed.

Recap: I raced to church and, instead of sitting in the back as I usually do, I roamed along the sides of the auditorium searching for Steve and Janie. After a bit of searching, I realized they weren’t there!! So I sat alone. (In case anyone is keeping attendance, Janie and Steve did NOT go to service on July 17!)

As the service wound down, my sense of dread increased. Due to my tardiness, I managed to get into church without having to talk to anyone, but I knew when the service ended that my “musical” duties would begin. I really had no idea how I was going to make the singing thing work without looking like a complete freak (which, as you may have noticed from other challenges, I have a big aversion to looking foolish.) 

Service ended, so I nervously headed back to where my friends were gathered. Alright, better bite the bullet, I decided. Make it look natural. And cool. Somehow.

 I nodded to my friends Tim, Brian and roommate Jerrod. “Hey, how was your week?” Tim asked.

“Good,” I sang, in a low tone that, in my head, I thought might sound like my natural voice, but in real life, sounded nothing like. My cheeks flushed. Tim persisted.

“Yeah, what did you do?” he asked.

I cleared my throat and tried again to find a singing tone that would mimic my speaking voice close enough to fool my friends.

“Not much,” I sang, aiming too low and sounding a bit baritone. “Mainly just work,” I sang higher, overshooting and squeaking like Carol Channing. Tim gave me a weird look. My blush deepened. I went on the offensive.

“Brian, what’s new,” I sang, low and soft, and throwing the attention over to him. Brian answered, but I didn’t pay attention as I scrambled to think of a solution. This first singing encounter was not going well, and I had over fifteen hours of singing ahead of me. Every second felt like it lasted excruciatingly long. I needed to buy some time to think of a solution.

I pretended to check my phone and, nodding to the other gents, I exited the church sanctuary. I went and hid in the bathroom for a couple minutes, but did not come up with any outs, so I drug myself back out and walked down to where my small group meets.

A few folks were waiting in the hallway outside our room, and I nodded to my friend Hugh. “What’s up?” I sang at him, still trying to find the perfect tone.

“Somebody sounds chipper,” Hugh said. More blushing on my part. Sure wish I could talk, I thought. And then a revelation hit me.

The challenge is to sing all day, as if I am the star of a musical. What’s one of the most popular musicals of all time? My Fair Lady. And who is the star of that musical? Rex Harrison, he of the speak-the-song-and-sing-a-few-notes-at-the-end fame. There was my path. I’d be like Rex Harrison, speaking the lines, then singing the last few notes of a sentence or phrase. He was certainly a Broadway star, so it fit with the challenge. And it could save me from blasting out loud notes all day. Perfect!

“How was your weekend?” I asked, softly singing the last word and trying out the Harrison phrasing.

“Good,” Hugh said, and filled me in on his goings-on without noticing my slight of tongue. My friend Kat wandered by, so I tried my speech-sing on her.

“Kat, are you enjoying being on vacation?” I spoke-sang. Kat’s a teacher, so she was on break. She didn’t appear to notice my slight singing. Success!

After small group, a bunch of us went to lunch at a Chinese restaurant, and I was able to speak-sing the whole way through lunch without any comments. I did notice one thing, though. Normally I say what I think, with only a minimal filter in place. But this day, I had to think through everything I was going to say and determine which words I would sing. So I took note of everything I said. Every word that left my lips, I thought through before I said it. And it really was a new experience for me. (Don’t laugh. You try it!) It’s restrictive, in a way, because it slows down the quick flow of conversation, but it makes my words more reasoned, more considered.

I don’t know if I’m describing this very well, but it was like I measured my words. I spoke less, with shorter sentences, so everything I did say I tried to communicate as clearly and succinctly as possible. I was limited in what I could say, but maybe in a good way.

I retreated to my house for the afternoon, because my roommate Jerrod is quiet by nature and quite content to not bother a person with a lot of conversation, so I knew I’d be safe from the singing challenge. I turned my attention to the prank requirement of the challenge. And the first thing that came to mind is probably the most-used prank of all time. The Ding Dong Ditch (DDD).

Some people did a lot of toilet-papering and car chalking and DDD-ing in their middle school years, but I was a rather well-behaved fourteen-year-old and never dreamed of such daring-do. The result of this is that, as a grown-up, I now adore middle-school pranks and never feel too “grown up” for a good ole TP or DDD.

The DDD has a lot of variations, but the classic variation is this: 1. Approach house, 2. Ring door bell, 3. Flee, 4. Hide and watch your victim come to the door needlessly, 5. Cackle with glee.

The challenge specifically said random people, so I waited until the cover of darkness had fallen, and then I picked my first random house, one on the northwest side of UCO with my random friends Matt and Julianne inside. (They are awesome and very, very random!)

As this is not my first prank-attack, I prepped my car for the operation: dome light turned off, parked several houses away, and driver-side door unlocked (in case a speedy entry to the vehicle is needed.) There was some sort of college kid party going on across the street, and I didn’t want to be identified, so I walked as nonchalantly as I could towards Matt’s house. Heart-pounding, I stretched out a trembling hand and pushed the doorbell.

I heard nothing. No faint sound of chimes, no echo through the house. I was already tensed for a quick getaway, but I hesitated and jabbed the button a second time. Still nothing, but I couldn’t risk staying there in case the doorbell did work, so I did my best Usain Bolt impersonation and ran like the wind.

I had a video camera in my car trained on the house to record what transpired, because I ran in the opposite direction of my car (this ain’t my first rodeo!) After a good ten minutes of wandering side streets, I got back to my car and checked the video camera. Bust. No one came to the door.

I could describe the next three houses I went to, but it was basically a variation on the same theme- excitement, DDD, no one came to the door. What is wrong with people these days, ignoring their door bells after 10 pm at night?! America, you need to answer the door! And by America, I mean Brian, Steve and Janie, and Matt and Michael specifically.

However, I am proud to say that after TWO rings at the home of my (random) friends Kyle and Jason, someone did come to the door!! I asked them about it later, and turns out it was neither one of them, it was their third roommate who I don’t know. But regardless, at least one of my DDD’s worked! There is hope for our nation yet.

So there you have it. Day 17, done!